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Here’s how to get your girl to try some kinks without making her feel weird or conscious.


Anal Sex

The myths surrounding anal sex are that it’s painful, it’s less pleasurable or that it’s just plain gross. There’s some research that says anal sex also has higher chances of transmitting sexual diseases than vaginal sex. But, practised safely, it can be intimate, and you need to convince your partner that it can be fun for both of you. Begin by recounting a fantasy and a romantic setting where she’s willing to try some kink. Talk sexy, act sexy and then tell her this...

Fact 1: Women can also enjoy anal sex.

Fact 2: Men have more fantasies about anal sex than any other type, according to Ian Kerner, author of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book.

Do It

a) Find the correct anal lubricant and lubricate the area well enough.

b) Use a condom for extra lubrication and, of course, protection. You may be exclusive, but this will help settle her sanitary issues.

c) Ask her to take control so she can tell you how gentle or fast you need to be.

d) If she is uncomfortable, stop. Reminder: Empty your bowels before the act and always communicate about what both of you want from the act before you begin.


Mutual Masturbation

Some people consider masturbation a sin and/or a waste of semen. They’re missing out on some great avenues to explore one’s sexuality. There are studies that have found that “too much” masturbation, though, will lead to compulsive behaviour, which could be “exhausting” for the man. Like to do it often? Well, if there is an urge beyond the normal, it could be a prostate swelling problem that makes you want to stimulate yourself, says Dr Pavan Sonar, a senior psychiatrist and sexologist based in Mumbai. But, that apart, it is a great way to engage your girl, and help shatter some social taboos at the same time. There is nothing like masturbating together, say a few ladies we interviewed for this article. You will need to break her out of her shell to do this and it won’t be easy. Just remember these facts.

Fact 3: There is no scientific fact that says you will lose your masculinity, virility or sexuality if you masturbate. The same goes for her.

Fact 4: Masturbation is good for you as it keeps the body healthy and free of toxins—we can’t find a better argument.

Do It: Just before you have sex with your partner, tell her how sexy you find her and how much it turns you on to watch her touch herself. Start her off, and then let her control the proceedings. This is especially erotic if you do it facing each other. The lovemaking that follows will be earth-shattering for her and for you.


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Dirty Talk

Before. After. During. No, we don’t mean talking about sex in a general manner. But remember this: Sex is an uncomfortable topic. Most people still prefer to get their knowledge online or through porn, which can be dangerous. Especially when it comes to dirty talk.

Fact 5: Sex is an emotional act for most women. They need to be in the mood for it.

Fact 6: Men don’t want to spend so much energy in getting their partner in the mood.

Do It: Talk about sex! Why you need it. What you want. What you can give. How much you enjoy her body. How much it turns you on. Build from there. Don’t start with actual pornstar talk, of course, because that’ll just freak her out. Start soft, encourage her to mouth what she’s feeling. And, of course, here’s the common sense advice: The more you communicate, the better your sex life.


Sex During Her Period

Also defined as the five days of upper body strength training a man is forced to do. Sex is actually between two people (or three or four, but let’s not go there for now). However, an entire society plans when, how and who you should be having sex with! Society tells us—and her, sadly—that women are “unhygienic” at this time. In some places, women can’t even enter the kitchen so the entire family knows she is menstruating, which can be very humiliating for her at a subliminal level, says Dr Sonar. This is what you’re dealing with. It’s a big “taboo” to break. Fortunately, there are no medical grounds not to do it, just so you know.

Fact 7: Women have been told that menstruation is unhygienic and sex, therefore, is not fun.

Fact 8: Men comply with women because they want to be “sensitive” and there are some who will never go there. Up to you, we say.

Do It: If a woman doesn’t have pain, which could be caused by dysmenorrhea and should be checked (and you should go with her to her ob-gyn), it is actually safe and pleasurable. Use a towel. Wash up properly later or do it in the shower where you don’t need to worry about seeing any blood. Also, you should definitely ask a woman if she wants to have sex and convince her you are not put off by her menses. Give her a massage, do enough foreplay to get her in the mood and be even more sensitive during the act as her body will be delicate during this period. She’ll love it.  

By maxim