Sapan Verma: 24 Hours


24 Hours To Live

One-seventh of comedy troupe East India Comedy, Verma’s wisecrack videos have us guffawing on YouTube through lunch hour. Here, his reactions on facing certain death and never becoming a Maxim model.

How do you want it all to end?

This is the most depressing start to an interview...ever. It should be quick and dirty. Not one of those slow, painful deaths where you’re in the hospital for six months—because hospitals are gloomy (and expensive).

Describe your last day on Earth.

I’ll probably be chasing clients for payments or justifying my Tweet to some troll who wrote “u liberal returd ur anti national”.

What’s your last meal?

Dal makhni, butter chicken and cheesy garlic naan. Plus rasmalai and jalebi for dessert.

The one film you’d like to watch before the end?

The Star Wars series. So that at least in the afterlife people don’t go, “OMG! You haven’t seen Star Wars??!!! Haww! Get out now! Shame, shame, puppy shame!”

Are you going to heaven or hell?

I make people laugh for a living so I should be in heaven. But I’ll also freelance with hell every once in a while for all the mean jokes that I’ve made.

Who will you spy on from there?

What?! People become Bigg Boss after dying?

Who are you looking forward to meeting?

Screw people, I’m hoping for a bigger house than the current Bombay one that I live in. And an unlimited supply of movies and TV shows.

Do you have any regrets?

Yes. That I never featured on Maxim’s cover as a sexy model.

What’s your deathbed confession?

That I always wanted to feature on Maxim’s cover as a sexy model.

What have you spent the most money on?

Travelling the world, eating desserts and exceeding 3G data plans.

What’s been your proudest accomplishment?

My Twitter account got verified before KRK’s.

(As you can see, I have low standards.)

Who will you miss the most on Earth?

Pets. I hope there are lots of cats and dogs in the afterlife.

Who would you want to be reincarnated as and why?

A cat. Basically be mean, throw your weight around and still manage to get a lot of likes
on Instagram.

Which comedic legends do you hang out with in the afterlife?

I think I’ve had enough comedy for one life. Can I hang out with some Maxim models in the afterlife? Where do I sign up?

The craziest thing you did here on Earth?

Watched porn, ate nonvegetarian food and Maggi. And still managed to stay alive. Or maybe that’s why I died.

What do you know now that you didn’t know at 18?

That I’m never making it to the Maxim cover. *Goes back in time and cancels gym memberships, dietician appointments and implants surgery.*

A joke you regret cracking...

Why did the optimistic chicken cross the road? To get to the bright side.

(Now you know why I regret cracking it.)