Blow Yourself Away

SEX

Buddy, don’t close the bedroom door just yet. Read on for easy ways to drive her crazy.

So, you’re in bed and everything should be heating up, but somehow things are as flat as a roomali roti? Worry not. Get your sexual act together and get your head back in the game with the good doctor’s advice. To do your bit for society, buy a copy of this magazine for your 30-year-old virgin mate. And respect women... that’s Step 1.

My girlfriend and I have been together for four years and sex is becoming routine. How can I keep it fresh?

Amitabh S., New Delhi

Everywhere, there is too much hype about sex. It is meant to be pleasurable, no doubt, but to expect “mind-blowing” and “earth-shattering” orgasms all night long, every time, is definitely unrealistic. Humans were not meant to be monogamous, but most try to practise monogamy for many reasons, especially legal! However, monogamy does not necessarily mean monotony... at least not every time.

Here are some ways to keep things fresh in bed: First, lower your expectations from sex and your disappointments will be lowered too. Do not believe everything that your best friends and all those women’s magazines tell you—or your partner—about sex. Much of it is untrue hype that is unsustainable.

Second, do not watch porn. Porn is completely “make believe.” Almost everything in it is fake: The size of the woman’s breasts, the dimensions of the penises, the orgasms, the convulsions, the coital calisthenics… None of those things can happen in real life.

Third, do not believe that great sex is automatic. It is not. You have to work on making it great. There are treatises available on how one may do this. Obtain one such and study it. Sex is a big subject. Constant innovation and creativity are the challenges.

Finally, do not attempt sex if only one partner wants it and the other doesn’t. It is certain to be a bummer. Libido mismatches are the rule rather than the exception. But, all things considered, it can be great if you make a little bit of effort. The results, as they say, will then speak for themselves.

I have been a fan of porn for some time. How do I get my wife to watch it with me?

Sameer G., Patna

Porn will damage your sex life in the long term, if it hasn’t done so already. Porn is fake and unreal. Besides, your wife has a right to refuse porn.

What are the best positions to last longer in bed?

Aditya M., Dehradun

There is no single foolproof position for lasting longer in bed. Any position in which the man can control the tempo and intensity of sexual stimulation would be the best one. A motionless woman will also help, if that’s what you’d like!

Does oral sex really work? My girl says she can’t feel a thing.

Harsh K., Mumbai

Skilfully proffered oral sex can often do more for a lady than a massive, hard penis that rams away endlessly. Ask your girl to indicate how you may give her pleasure, and she herself will tell you. The clitoris and the labia minora—or the inner vaginal lips—are usually the most exquisitely sexually sensitive areas, but many women have their special points. Start with the lights on initially, and see these points with your eyes, so you’re not fumbling. Plus, you’ll get to look into her eyes and that’s quite exciting (often for both partners). Later, of course, you will then be able to do it “eyes closed!”

I’ve been in a relationship for four months and really want to go down on her. But she seems very shy. What is the best way to ease my girl into oral sex?

Christopher D., Chennai

If your girl is strongly resistant to oral sex, you should not coerce or force her. However, if she is ambivalent about it, try to persuade her. Many women are simply embarrassed by vaginal odours even though these may be simply natural biological odours rather than anything else. You should try to explain to her that these are no different than the odours of a man’s scrotum, that she puts up with, and that you, likewise, really don’t mind hers—or, in fact, are turned on by them. It may help to explain to her that the tongue can do wondrous things to her clitoris. Too much? Tell her it’ll satiate her need for multiple orgasms. Works like a charm.

Text Dr. Sudhakar Krishnamurti

Dr. Sudhakar Krishnamurti is the author of Sex Is Not A Four-Letter Word and an award-winning andrologist and sexual health expert. We banged on his door to help us address all our sex worries and for busting myths.